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Tuesday 15 October 2019

Adding detail



During the holiday, I went to the beach with my friends. We saw there was a volleyball net. We asked a family if we could borrow their volleyball. We played volleyball for about an hour then had some lunch. Before we went home, we gave the volleyball back to the family. I had a lot of fun at the beach with my friends.


Read this simple recount.




What do you notice about the recount?

That Miss West only used what she saw with her eyes not her ears, nose taste and what she felt. She also only used the word We.





What could we add to this recount to make it more detailed?

Using more interesting words like I saw this big huge volleyball net and showing more senses like what she could smell, taste, hear and feel.





Edit this recount above to make it more detailed:



During the holidays, I went to a sandy tropical beach with my besties. We saw in the distance far away a big huge volleyball net. We asked a nice kind family if we could borrow their volleyball. We played volleyball and when we felt it felt round and big and hard and every time I would hit the ball it feels so hard. We played for about an hour then had some lunch and it tasted so delicious that I wanted more and more. Before we went home, we gave the volleyball back to the king caring family everything there smelled so good, I could smell the salty water and the sunscreen on my skin. I had a blast at the beach with my besties.

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